Sixteen Words | The Avocado Papers

"Let me just start by saying, it's sixteen words, and it's become an enormously overblown issue."

That was national security advisor Condoleezza Rice, speaking the other night to Wolf Blitzer on CNN. She was talking about sixteen words from President Bush's State Of the Union address. The words were "The British government has learned that Saddam Hussein recently sought significant quantities of uranium from Africa." This allegation was not true, and some people think that the President knew that.

My reaction to Dr. Rice's opinion of the importance of those sixteen words was probably different from yours, regardless of whether you feel that it's appropriate for terrorist sympathizers to question the President's integrity when all he did was lie. The reason my reaction was probably different from yours is that you probably don't keep a running list of sixteen-word sentences and phrases that you feel have received too much attention.

I do. I have a "special pen" that I use when I write on it. Nobody is allowed to touch either the list or the special pen. One time, an ambulance came over. That was a direct result of my friend John touching my special pen.

So, probably unlike you, I thought to myself, "This is a message; I am being told that I should publish my list of sixteen-word sentences and phrases on the Internet." Here, therefore, is my list:

Let me just start by saying, it's sixteen words, and it's become an enormously overblown issue.

— National security advisor Condoleezza Rice to CNN's Wolf Blitzer, in defense of Persident Bush's State Of the Union address, July 13, 2003.

Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof.

— First words of Amendment I, U.S. Constitution.

We're more popular than Jesus now; I don't know which will go first, rock-n-roll or Christianity.

— John Lennon, regarding the Beatles' popularity, March 4, 1966.

The abortionists have got to bear some burden for this, because God will not be mocked.

— The Rev. Jerry Falwell, regarding the cause of the September 11th terrorist attacks, September 13, 2001.

Try to imagine Ted Kennedy landing that Navy jet on the deck of that aircraft carrier.

— U.S. House majority leader Tom DeLay of Texas, regarding Democrats' fitness to address international terrorism, July 25, 2003.

These allegations are false, and I need to go back to work for the American people.

— President Bill Clinton, regarding "Monicagate," January 26, 1988.

If we're arrogant nation, they'll resent us. If we're a humble nation, they will respect us.

— Presidential candidate Gov. George W. Bush, second presidential debate, October 11, 2000.

There is no more important duty than pushing the American enemy out of the holy land.

— Osama bin Laden, Declaration of War Against the Americans Who Occupy the Land of the Two Holy Mosques, August 23, 1996.

Far from trying to hide the facts, my effort throughout has been to discover the facts.

— President Richard M. Nixon, August 15, 1973.

Here's what I like to do: make things up. Here's what I can do: chew gum.

— Eloise, in Eloise, by Kay Thompson, 1955.

And God said unto them, Be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth, and subdue it.

— From The Holy Bible, Genesis 1:28.

It's hugely important that people aren't in a position to say, last time you cried wolf.

— E.U. Commissioner For External Relations Christopher Patten, regarding the "sixteen words," New York Times, July 20, 2003.

Uh, there's an old poster out west, as I recall, that said, "Wanted Dead or Alive."

— President George W. Bush, regarding his determination to capture Osama Bin Laden, September 17, 2001.

Ooooooh, and I'm a cowboy, on a steel horse I ride; I'm wanted, dead or alive.

— Bon Jovi lyric, from "Wanted Dead or Alive," 1986.

Just so you know, we are ashamed the president of the United States is from Texas.

— The Dixie Chicks' Natalie Maines, to an audience at a London concert, March 10, 2003.

It is weakness rather than wickedness which renders men unfit to be trusted with unlimited power.

— Future President John Adams, 1788.

Come here to this gate! Mr. Gorbachev, open this gate! Mr. Gorbachev, tear down this wall.

— President Ronald W. Reagan, Berlin, June 12, 1987.

I gave 'em a sword. And they stuck it in, and they twisted it with relish.

— Former President Richard M. Nixon, May 25, 1977.

And I guess if I had been in their position, I'd have done the same thing.

— Ibid.

The kingdom of this world is become the Kingdom of our Lord, and of His Christ.

— From The Holy Bible, Revelation 11:15.

Admiral Poindexter is somebody who this administration thinks is an outstanding American and an outstanding citizen.

— White House spokesman Ari Fleischer, February 25, 2002.

I blow my nose at you, so-called Arthur King, you and all your silly English knnnniggets.

— John Cleese as French guard with partial grasp of English diction, to King Arthur, in Monty Python and the Holy Grail, 1975.

You don't frighten us, English pig-dogs; go and boil your bottom, sons of a silly person.

— Ibid.

I wave my private parts at your aunties, you cheesy lot of second-hand electric donkey-bottom biters.

— Ibid.

Friends, Romans, countrymen, lend me your ears. I come to bury Caesar, not to praise him.

— Antony, in Julius Caesar, by William Shakespeare, 1599.

I know I'll often stop and think about them; in my life, I love you more.

— Beatles lyric, from "In My Life," 1965.

For thine is the kingdom, and the power, and the glory, for ever and ever. Amen.

— Final words of "The Lord's Prayer."

In all criminal prosecutions, the accused shall enjoy the right to a speedy and public trial.

— First words of Amendment VI, U.S. Constitution.

Fuck tha police, comin' straight from the underground; young nigga got it bad cuz I'm brown.

— N.W.A. lyric, from "Fuck tha Police," 1988.

The hour had come for him to mobilize the English language, and send it into battle.

— Edward R. Murrow, recalling Winston Churchill on the eve of the Second World War, from I Can Hear It Now, 1948.

This sixteen words came into the State of the Union from a whole host of sources.

— National security advisor Condoleezza Rice to CNN's Wolf Blitzer, in defense of Persident Bush's State Of the Union address, July 13, 2003.

There once was a man from Nantucket, whose dick was so long he could suck it.

— Anonymous.

It's not, you know, man on child, man on dog, or whatever the case may be.

— U.S. Senator Rick Santorum of Pennsylvania to unnamed A.P. reporter, regarding his view that sodomy, while immoral, isn't as immoral as engaging in sexual intercourse with animals or minors, April 22, 2001.

I just never expected to talk about that when I came over here to interview you.

— Unnamed A.P. reporter to Senator Santorum explaining why the unexpected turn their interview had taken was "sort of freaking me out" (see previous item), April 22, 2001.

Nenni! I am the Cat who walks by himself, and all places are alike to me.

— The Cat, in "The Cat That Walked By Himself," from the Just So Stories, by Rudyard Kipling, 1902.

Tell me, what is hatred in there? What is hatred? Tell me what's hatred in there?

— Poet Amiri Baraka to CNN's Connie Chung, regarding his poem that alleged "4,000 Israeli workers at the Twin Towers" were given advance warning of the September 11th terrorist attacks, October 2, 2002.

I fear that Mr. Bush has failed to create a context for his boldness to succeed.

— Thomas L. Friedman, New York Times columnist, March 2, 2003.

And my heaven will be a big heaven, and I will walk through the front door.

— Peter Gabriel lyric, from "Big Time," 1986.

This is President Clinton's war, and when he falls flat on his face, that's his problem.

— Senator Richard Lugar, regarding the Kosovo conflict, May 4, 1999.

Excessive bail shall not be required, nor excessive fines imposed, nor cruel and unusual punishments inflicted.

— Full text of Amendment VIII, U.S. Constitution.

We... we don't want to start a nuclear war unless we really have to, do we?

— Peter Sellers as RAF Group Captain Lionel Mandrake, to deranged General Jack D. Ripper, in Dr. Strangelove, 1964.

Is this the face that launched a thousand ships, and burned the topless towers of Ilium?

— Faustus, in The Tragical History of Doctor Faustus, by Christopher Marlowe, 1588.

Does anyone know what Vice President Bush called this in 1980?... Anyone?... Something-d-o-o economics... Voodoo economics.

— Ben Stein as economics teacher in Ferris Bueller's Day Off, 1986.

That's all I'd do all day. I'd just be the catcher in the rye and all.

— Holden Caulfield, in The Catcher In the Rye, by J.D. Salinger, 1951.

And if you live to be a thousand years old, will that make sense to you?

— A somber David Letterman questioning the logic of a religious justification for the September 11th attacks, in his first appearance after those attacks, The Late Show With David Letterman, September 18th, 2001.

It's just a load of bull. As far as the president is concerned, he's moved on.

— White House spokesman Ari Fleischer, regarding the flurry of interest in the "sixteen words," July 15, 2003.

For those who say we haven't found the banned manufacturing devices or banned weapons, they're wrong.

— President George W. Bush, May 30, 2003.